Words can't even comprehend the thoughts that people are having in their mind sometimes. Not even myself, could ever describe my own, at this right very moment. The sense of loneliness and apart, are shredding me into pieces left to die. Tearing 'us' apart from each other.
Emotions every where, and yet being kept secret from each other. Was it supposed to be this hard? Perhaps not, however, I couldn't let it go. I would never let her go! Honestly, I want to make it better between us.
I could never forget the moment she denied me, as if the regression was long ago at it's very peak. And yet I didn't got the 'memo'. It is obvious that, the heart could never have the strength, to bare the pain and anger that were pent-up inside for years. It made me sick to the stomach, thinking; "Wasn't I good enough?!","Am I 'that' pathetic to you now?!!". Fuck, why is this happening to me?!
For the love of...! It hurts, it really do, y'know? To have to kept it to yourself. Just because of I am the one with a dick. Although it's crystal that; you're the fucked up one! (sighs). Just give up, give up the sketching! Because if putting the blame on someone counts from the start, then I pointing the finger onto myself. Because, the choices that I've made in past could've been totally different, should've been different! If I were to know, I wouldn't ever chose to met them up that night. And I wouldn't've ever met you in the first place. Hence, would never ever have the slightest care for you!!
But then, you would never ever read the writings of mine to the end, even though you kept on insisting me to write in the first place. And I never have could able to figured out why? Whatever. If you're reading this, you must know that those are just the glimpse of the "expressible" thoughts that I should bring myself to write about 'us'. Just to make 'it' healthy. Get it? Of course you don't, you cunt. And I do have to admit that sometimes, you do. Because as a writer, I don't really wanna have to tell you. We despise the feelings to have to speak-out our mixed-feelings. The ideas of killing, the regret of falling in love, the lust for pride, y'know all them bullshit...we'll just write it. Mainly, because it's permanent, hence we would never ever have to take it back. Just, don't make me fucking regret about us, because these are my thoughts.
